Friday, January 2, 2015

Young, Single Women, Let my Life be a Lesson to You…

When I was in my 20s, I received a postcard in the mail from a friend. It said, “And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” Matthew 8:27 (in the context of Matthew 8:18-22; see passage below). 

I was pumped up and ready to go after receiving this, and thought of it as a confirmation of what Yahveh (the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob) wanted me to do. However, I confess it hasn’t been so easy -- and easier said than done.

Society’s Pressure to Mate and Procreate Society

Society will tell you that you have to get married and have children. Your parents will pressure you into a life that may not be the one that Yahveh (G-d) wants for you. Men will try to get you to give up your virginity before you’re ready or before you’re ready for marriage. 

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect your parents, and you don’t necessarily have to cut off your family. It also may not mean that you have to be a spinster (always single, no kids) for your entire life. However, it does mean that you need to ask G-d what He wants for your life instead of what your parents, friends, co-workers and other people want for you.

What G-d wants you to do should take precedence over what someone else wants you to do. I believed at one time that I was meant to go from house to house like the apostles did – or city to city. I was to tell as many people about the Gospel of the Messiah (the Christ, otherwise known as Jesus) as much as possible.

In doing so, I was meant to tell people the Good news then “shake the dust off my feet” of the people who didn’t want to hear it. (See Matthew 10:14)  However, I did instead what I swore I would never do. I let men and relationships become my god rather than the G-d of the Universe – Yahveh, Elohim. 

For part of this time, I did attempt to still do the work Yah called me to do. However, I slowly let romantic relationships become my priority rather than G-d. Not only that, but I also let my fixation on wanting money, success and fame consume me. 

In addition, I became discouraged and allowed the “pride of life” and all its lusts become more important than serving G-d. I became lonely, too. Then, I decided to waste my time partying when I could have instead went out into the world and preach the Gospel like G-d told me to do.

Repercussions of my Disobedience 

Two decades after being told to “take up my cross and follow” Yahshua (Jesus), I feel tied down to other commitments and feel like I have little time left in the day to do what Yahveh (God) wants me to do. Instead of going out and preaching the Gospel of Christ, I’m instead stuck home living a life I never intended to live. 

 It’s not all bad, though. The person I’m in a relationship with now encourages me to play my music. However, I have to be honest. If I hadn’t agreed to marry him and hadn’t backslidden for more than a decade, I’d still be off doing the things G-d called me to do when I was younger – go out into the world and preach the Gospel. 

As a result of my disobedience to G-d, I see America and the rest of the world going to hell in a hand basket. No, I’m not responsible for the souls of people that do not accept Christ as their savior. However, I’m at least partly responsible for why the world things are now okay that never used to be acceptable (being with someone of the same sex, living with a man and not being married, etc.). 

 I Urge Young Women not to Waste Time with Foolishness 

Not everyone has the same calling. Some people are meant to stay behind and stay home while others are not. Also, if G-d has already brought you a decent man in your life that wants to marry you and he loves G-d, then many blessings be upon you! 

No matter what age you are, this kind of thing should not be taken for granted because some people never have that. If you’re still single don’t feel bad…there’s a reason for it: I wasted at least 10 years of my single life not doing what G-d asked of me, and I’m still struggling. 

If I had to do it all over again, I would’ve never allowed the worldly messages of romantic love, sex and money to overpower me. Instead, I would’ve allowed G-d (Yahveh) to work through me and see many more miracles of people being healed, saved and delivered. 

You can have all that instead of the miserable life I had in the past decade if you just listen to G-d now. Also, don’t feel bad about being single. Maybe you have issues, but still…you need to make the most of the time G-d has given you now. 

Don’t worry about what society thinks of you! 

Scripture References

Matthew 8:18-22: 

 “25And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, 26If anyman come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 27And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. 

28For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? 29Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, 30Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. 

31Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? 32Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. 33So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.”

Matthew 10:5-15:

"5These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not: 6But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. 7And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. 8Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give. 9Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses,10Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat. 11And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence. 12And when ye come into an house, salute it. 13And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you. 14And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.15Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.:

Saturday, June 21, 2014

A Single Acrostic - An Image Shot of a Poem I posted on "My Alter Ego"

I actually wrote this sometime between 2006 and 2007, and it used to be on the old MSN Spaces that's no longer available. Then, I moved it to My Alter Ego in a post dated for 2011. 

I wrote it to inspire single people who haven't found "the one" yet or if they have cannot be with that person right now. (I found out it does happen sometimes -- never understood why God doesn't just allow people to be together if they're meant to be, but I guess that's just the way it is so I hear!)

Now, I present to you my "S.I.N.G.L.E. Acrostic"

More About Me

I'm not exactly single right now. However, I've lived the single life about 20 years and have never been married. I started freelance writing since 2005, and I've been full time since about 2006. I first created "My Alter Ego" circa 2006/2007, but it used to be under the name of "J.B.'s Epic Life Journey" then I later changed the name and moved all my general diary posts to a new site. 

Now, My Alter Ego is becoming a companion blog to my private G+ and Facebook Sexual Abuse Support groups I just started about a month ago. I also run a You Have Issues self-help blog covering a multitude of topics. All my sites contain updated entries that formerly were posted elsehwere, but they also have some new content on them. 

***Warning, next aection not appropriate for children under 13 (unless an adult gives permission)...

By the way, have I arrived you might ask?

To be honest, this past year has been one of the darkest years of my life. I had a fun 40th birthday, but other than that it was hard. My dad committed suicide in April of 2014. For about a year and a half preceding up to that, I anticipated possibly having to take frequent trips to see my half-sisters who may end up permanently living four hours away from me. 

My dad and my unfortunately  had a bittersweet ending before he decided to tie an extension cord around his neck and hang himself.  So, why do I try to "preach" at others?

Well, first of all, I wouldn't call it "preaching" because I don't always quote the Bible when I'm writing my articles. Secondly, I'm tapping into all the knowledge I have and using my writing to inspire myself as well as others. 

I know the self-help content I've read over the past 20 years has helped me. Most of it dealt with how to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Whether it be a spiritual approach like depicted in "Battlefield of the Mind"or a more practical approach like the one depicted in"Telling Yourself the Truth"the content has helped me out of many bouts of depression.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Carry On in Spite of Put-Downs

Even if another person you thought cared about you put you down and because of it you’re stuck being single, this could help cheer you up. Don’t let anyone get you down. If they say something that causes you to feel worthless it isn’t your fault. Just think of something positive in place of the negative and carry on, leaving yourself available to someone who does love you for who you are.

© Graphics Mystic Toolkit background; Text by My Alter Ego, a production

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Straight Single Women with No Kids in their 30s to 40s Lowest on Totem Pole

Society is cruel to people. Anytime anyone can make another person feel bad about their position in life, they will. TV doesn't help much in this regard, either.

My Real Life Research

  I've been doing research on never married women over 40 looking for some hope that I'll not be judged by society once I turn 40, and it just doesn't look good Apparently, no matter how she was treated by an ex boyfriend, it's all her fault that she's single -- at least that's what I get out of this.Women are thought of as selfish, too into their jobs or too difficult for any man to be with if she's not married or having children by age 40. 

TV's Role in Placing Stigma on Older Single Women

What's worse, is TV shows slam older single women all the time. On 40 Rock, the woman who plays Liz is in her early 40s and apparently is still single because she's not willing to compromise for a man.  On The Exes, Holly might still be single in her 40s for a variety of reasons -- because she's afraid of rejection again, too tall, etc. In one episode, she pretends she's a lesbian just to escape the possibility of her mom disapproving of the fact she's single. 

Oh, and not to mention, of course women this age are probably single because no one is attracted to them, right? The older single women in these shows are always being competed against by the "young ones" and for the first time in my life it makes me super angry!

However, the one dig that hurts me the most is the one I saw on the Micheal J. Fox show recently:

Leigh, Mike's sister, sits on a bench next to two single moms. She says shes got a "lot going on" and the two women next to her see to empathize, only because they think she's a single mom. In order to save face, Leigh goes along with it to fit in and even uses her brother Mike's son to go on play dates with these women who think she's a single mom. 

Straight single women in their 30s and 40s seemed to be rated lower on the dating totem pole than the following:
  • Lesbians
  • Single moms
  • Married women
  • Younger women
So, I guess if I don't admit I'm gay, or I don't at least get knocked up by a man and be a single mom, I'm no good. Just some loser that no one wants, or selfish! What's this world coming to?! 
I guess society just needs one more person to pick on to feel better. Go ahead. Bring it on. In the end, you're the ones who will pay the price, because what goes around comes around. 

Before you judge:

Many of you on the brink of divorce were in such a rush to get married to someone who isn't right for you when you were younger. If you hadn't done that, it would've increased my chances of being with the one now. 

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Were my Standards too High?

I could go into all the reasons why I’m still single (unmarried but in a relationship) and never had kids. However, one question remains priority. Did I set my standards too high thinking I was better than I actually was as a person?

© 2014 by Don't Remind Me I'm single. Please attribute this blog if you share this.

About My Standards

At age 18

I hadn’t lost my virginity yet. Therefore, when one of my old boyfriends tried to ask me back out, I didn’t want to give him a chance. I can blame it on family problems or the fact that I knew I didn’t want to get married right out of high school. I could blame it on a lot of things.

However, the truth is, I didn’t know if I wanted to be with someone who wasn’t a virgin, but now I’m speculating. I don’t know for sure if the person in question even had lost his virginity yet. All I knew was I was going to be with someone who hadn’t yet been with anyone else.

In my 20s

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date a man who had a child that wasn’t mine.  However, I decided to relax that standard when still in love with my ex fiancé who has a child. We travailed (and yes, I used that word here on purpose) down a rough road, though. He had an extremely low self-esteem at times. He kept breaking up with me because he didn’t believe that I loved him no matter how hard I tried – and too hard I realize now – to prove I did love him. By the time he came to his senses, I no longer had feelings for him like I did before.


I’d just be happy to be with someone I love, whether or not he has kids. My only request nowadays is that he not have children under three over whom he’s till battling for custody. Oh, and I prefer that he not have problems trusting because of an ex who cheated. Regarding this, I decided a couple of years ago, to be with a person who didn’t seem to let his relationship past hold him back, although it’s a bit different as his recent ex passed away. Still, his first wife cheated on him, yet he treats me in many ways like a man should treat a woman he loves.

Other Standards

For the longest time, everyone knew me as one of the last of all my friends to lose my virginity (at least technically). I held out until I realized I wasn’t going to be married yet by the time I was 30, and saw no chance of marriage on the horizon any time soon.

I felt hopeless, and after that swung to the opposite extreme. I slept with just about everyone in the universe -- or at least the ones on my planet. Loneliness led me to act this way. However I wanted to establish myself financially before ever getting married. Therefore, I chose not to tie myself down to one person for over eight years. However, trying to stay celibate until I met the right person became so much harder than before I lot my virginity. I couldn’t stand being by myself anymore.

I chose not to commit to anyone for a long time because I never wanted to be with a man just because I need someone. On the other hand, I often wonder if I should’ve just gotten married regardless of my financial situation. I probably feel this way just because I’m almost 40 and anxious about aging. However, I think my hunger for financial success along with my mid-30s promiscuity has cost me plenty. Since I didn’t take advantage of opportunities I had to settle down, I might end up childless.

Still, I have to remember why I kept pressing the snooze button on my biological clock. While reminding myself why I never got married, I could use every excuse I want. However, I have to tell the truth directly right now: I simply wasn’t ready for marriage yet. However, it wasn’t always me. Sometimes the guy was the one who wasn’t ready, even if he did ask me and did love me.

More about Me

I should explain that I’m leaving quite a bit of my history out of this post. For instance, my ex fiancé and me called off our engagement several times. After the final cancellation, I accepted it was over. However, I had a tough time adjusting from being someone’s fiancé to being practically single. After that was when I ended up in one relationship after another and had no intention of trying to make a life with anyone ever again.

My Current Relationship

I lived a freebird-style life over eight years until I started a long-term relationship with the person I’m with now. We had our share of relationship battles, and I’m not sure if it’s going to work out. However, I at least know now that I would definitely have loved to have had this chance when I was younger – the chance to know what it would be like to know I could just be with the same person for the rest of my life instead of until that person wants to leave.

My Standards Now

I’m not proud of everything I’ve done, nor am I even proud of every decision I make now. However, I at least have more realistic standards than I did in the past. I don’t want to accept less than having someone in my life that wants me in his life. However, I’ve let go of all my childhood hang-ups of having the perfect fairy-tale relationship where the man always protects, gives and loves.

I believe there’s a such thing as good men, and some of them even pull out their shining armor when necessary. Furthermore, most of them have the ability to love and take care of their women. However, the blameless. spotless prince charming just doesn’t exist. Besides, most fairy tales always end the wedding. How do we know how happily ever after these fictional people of royalty really live?

Thursday, January 16, 2014

What if you Could Love without Insecurity?

Anyone who's ever been abandoned by someone when they needed that person the most can understand this. Wouldn't it be nice to love without insecurity again? What would it be like to know that the person by our side will still be there tomorrow? That is, barring any tragic circumstances, the person doesn't bail on us unexpectedly to leave us wounded and wondering if we can ever trust or love again. Wouldn’t that be nice? 

Blank background of this photo will soon be for sale on Etsy.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

A Little Self-Respect Goes a Long Way

When you respect yourself, others will respect you. However, if you don't feel like you have as much love for yourself as you used to, you're not the only one. Sometimes, it takes only one person to discourage us. Still, at some point, we need to just stand up for ourselves on our own two (physical or figurative) feet and take care of us. We don't have to worry about what other people think as long as we love ourselves!

Blank background of this photo will soon be for sale on Etsy.