Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Were my Standards too High?

I could go into all the reasons why I’m still single (unmarried but in a relationship) and never had kids. However, one question remains priority. Did I set my standards too high thinking I was better than I actually was as a person?

© 2014 by Don't Remind Me I'm single. Please attribute this blog if you share this.

About My Standards

At age 18

I hadn’t lost my virginity yet. Therefore, when one of my old boyfriends tried to ask me back out, I didn’t want to give him a chance. I can blame it on family problems or the fact that I knew I didn’t want to get married right out of high school. I could blame it on a lot of things.

However, the truth is, I didn’t know if I wanted to be with someone who wasn’t a virgin, but now I’m speculating. I don’t know for sure if the person in question even had lost his virginity yet. All I knew was I was going to be with someone who hadn’t yet been with anyone else.

In my 20s

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date a man who had a child that wasn’t mine.  However, I decided to relax that standard when still in love with my ex fiancé who has a child. We travailed (and yes, I used that word here on purpose) down a rough road, though. He had an extremely low self-esteem at times. He kept breaking up with me because he didn’t believe that I loved him no matter how hard I tried – and too hard I realize now – to prove I did love him. By the time he came to his senses, I no longer had feelings for him like I did before.


I’d just be happy to be with someone I love, whether or not he has kids. My only request nowadays is that he not have children under three over whom he’s till battling for custody. Oh, and I prefer that he not have problems trusting because of an ex who cheated. Regarding this, I decided a couple of years ago, to be with a person who didn’t seem to let his relationship past hold him back, although it’s a bit different as his recent ex passed away. Still, his first wife cheated on him, yet he treats me in many ways like a man should treat a woman he loves.

Other Standards

For the longest time, everyone knew me as one of the last of all my friends to lose my virginity (at least technically). I held out until I realized I wasn’t going to be married yet by the time I was 30, and saw no chance of marriage on the horizon any time soon.

I felt hopeless, and after that swung to the opposite extreme. I slept with just about everyone in the universe -- or at least the ones on my planet. Loneliness led me to act this way. However I wanted to establish myself financially before ever getting married. Therefore, I chose not to tie myself down to one person for over eight years. However, trying to stay celibate until I met the right person became so much harder than before I lot my virginity. I couldn’t stand being by myself anymore.

I chose not to commit to anyone for a long time because I never wanted to be with a man just because I need someone. On the other hand, I often wonder if I should’ve just gotten married regardless of my financial situation. I probably feel this way just because I’m almost 40 and anxious about aging. However, I think my hunger for financial success along with my mid-30s promiscuity has cost me plenty. Since I didn’t take advantage of opportunities I had to settle down, I might end up childless.

Still, I have to remember why I kept pressing the snooze button on my biological clock. While reminding myself why I never got married, I could use every excuse I want. However, I have to tell the truth directly right now: I simply wasn’t ready for marriage yet. However, it wasn’t always me. Sometimes the guy was the one who wasn’t ready, even if he did ask me and did love me.

More about Me

I should explain that I’m leaving quite a bit of my history out of this post. For instance, my ex fiancé and me called off our engagement several times. After the final cancellation, I accepted it was over. However, I had a tough time adjusting from being someone’s fiancé to being practically single. After that was when I ended up in one relationship after another and had no intention of trying to make a life with anyone ever again.

My Current Relationship

I lived a freebird-style life over eight years until I started a long-term relationship with the person I’m with now. We had our share of relationship battles, and I’m not sure if it’s going to work out. However, I at least know now that I would definitely have loved to have had this chance when I was younger – the chance to know what it would be like to know I could just be with the same person for the rest of my life instead of until that person wants to leave.

My Standards Now

I’m not proud of everything I’ve done, nor am I even proud of every decision I make now. However, I at least have more realistic standards than I did in the past. I don’t want to accept less than having someone in my life that wants me in his life. However, I’ve let go of all my childhood hang-ups of having the perfect fairy-tale relationship where the man always protects, gives and loves.

I believe there’s a such thing as good men, and some of them even pull out their shining armor when necessary. Furthermore, most of them have the ability to love and take care of their women. However, the blameless. spotless prince charming just doesn’t exist. Besides, most fairy tales always end the wedding. How do we know how happily ever after these fictional people of royalty really live?

No comments:

Post a Comment